Happy birthday Arden! Today you are 5, or, according to an online schnauzer age calculator, you are 33 in human years.

Here are five special things about you:

1. Your grunty old-man-clearing-his-throat noise you make all the time (a-hem-hem-hem-hem) is totally adorable and makes everyone fall in love with you. Also, your “NAR NAR NAR” growly bark you make when you think someone is up to no good in the hallway.

2. Your eyebrows, or “awnings,” as we call them, when they grow too long and hang over your face like Tammy Faye Bakker.

3. Your “diva toenail” that has grown to be about four inches long, so you can wag it in the face of all the no-good dogs you run into outside who don’t show you the courtesy you deserve!

4. That you give kisses all the time, although sometimes reluctantly when we ask for them. That you yawn in our faces with your mustard gas breath. That you don’t fart until you are deep under the covers…and we least expect it.

5. That even though you are always a lady, sometimes you are a fierce lady!

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