Charles Jensen | Writer

Found in a trash can at MTV in NYC:

The Hills spin-off ideas (rejected)

Speidi Sense
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag host a John Edwards: Crossing Over-style spirit encounter show, trying to reconnect celebrity guests with the beloved departed pets (except fish).

The Patridge Family
Audrina Patridge marries (now ex-)boyfriend Ryan Cabrera and they embark on a Giuliana and Bill-style quest to get pregnant.

Lo Life
Lo Bosworth flirts with disaster as she tries to find love while rehabilitating teens in the juvenile detention system.

Speidi Cents
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag host a Suze Orman-style money management program for twenty-somethings and new families.

Stephalupagus!
Stephanie Pratt, dressed as a giant pink mastodon, hosts a children’s show that teaches kids to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and carbohydrates.

Jenner Bender
In a Punk’d style comedy show, Brody Jenner’s friends take him out and get him drunk repeatedly, then dress him in drag when he passes out. They drop him in an unfamiliar part of town with only a Cricket cell phone and a greasy five dollar bill to make his way home.

Speidi Scents
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag retreat to Santa Barbara, where they try to launch a fragrance line a la Tori and Dean Inn Love.

A Man in Every Port
Whitney Port and her sister Jade star in a Bachelorette-style competition show where suitors attempt to woo both sisters–while they are challenged to avoid giving a rose to the same guy!

The Ballad of Justin-Bobby
On a Kung-Fu-like search, Justin-Bobby rides his hog across America, stopping in small towns along the way in order to commit various acts of unprovoked douchebaggery.

Kell Hath No Fury
Kelly Cutrone oversees the management of a series of mob hits against each former cast member of The Hills in a Running Man-style competition show where there can be only one winner.