This Just In: They’re Out

Clay Aiken’s changing more than just his hair: he came out! His highlights were more shocking, I’d say, although the fact that he did come out at all is pretty surprising.

In a related story, millions of middle-aged women in small towns across America called each other sobbing.

In other news of the homosexual persuasion, Lindsay Lohan didn’t-quite-confirm-but-clearly-didn’t-deny being a same-sex-romantic-galpal-more-than-bff-possible-gf-hand-holding-card-carrying-member-of-the-U-Haul-Frequent-Mover-Club.

In a related story, Dina Lohan reportedly put all her eggs in daughter Ali Lohan’s basket.

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