Summer’s here and it’s pissed

It must be summer in Maryland, because it’s either raining, hailing, or sizzling outside. I just walked the dog and felt like my skin was simultaneously peeling away from my body and developing blisters.

What does this mean? Well, it means this past week was DC Pride. It’s important that this festival occur at a time of year when everyone smells awful and every enclosed gay space smells like a locker room with broken bottles of Abercrombie & Fitch cologne littered about.

Such was the case on Friday night when I took in the drag show at Town, which featured some very special guest ladies: stars (and losers) of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 2 Morgan McMichaels, Tatianna, and Sahara Davenport.

Here’s the skinny on these skinny ladies:

Sahara Davenport had clearly just invested in a new Bedazzler, as just about every stitch of clothing on her body (which wasn’t much to begin with) was encrusted with shiny glass and beads. It was like Britney Spears in the “Toxic” video, if you could retroactively subtract 9 cheeseburgers. Her performances weren’t great. She was clearly not America’s next drag superstar. C-

Tatianna was, I thought, really unpleasant on the show and I had given her low marks on the internal scoresheet I maintain in my head. Although RuPaul often lauded her for serving up Real Girl action, I was like, meh. Drag’s more fun when it’s bawdy and inappropriate, not aiming for realness. After all, these are men in dresses. But let me say that having done drag from the age of 14 on, Tatianna she was the hell she was doing. She was a fantastic performer, great dancer, and–yes, girls, this matters–knew the words to her songs. A+

Morgan McMichaels was also really good. She was fun, had great songs that suited her, and she was gabby on the mic, which I like. But she was definitely lip synching in Tati’s shadow, unfortunately. A-

I wish I could write more, but honestly, they were serving $2 rail drinks and I’m not proud.

The regular ladies of Town were, I think, subdued a bit as a tribute to their guests. We got a little Tina Turner medley and “Barbie Girl” starting with the queen in a foamcore Barbie box that she broke apart. The production values are definitely going up.

It took about five minutes of dancing for the entire lower level of Town to smell like a dirty gym sock. The humid air was thick like cashmere–so at least it felt expensive. We danced for a while, but honestly, neither my heart nor my nose was really in it.

The Four Seasons

Maryland style:

Monday: Cold and cloudy
Tuesday: Sunny and warm
Wednesday: Rain
Thursday: Rain
Friday: Cloudy and humid
Saturday: Cold and cloudy
Sunday: Rain

Monday: Hot and superhumid
Tuesday: Hot and superhumid
Wednesday: Rain
Thursday: Hot and superhumid
Friday: Hot and superhumid
Saturday: Rain
Sunday: Rain

Monday: Rain
Tuesday: Cold and rainy
Wednesday: Cold and rainy
Thursday: Cold and rainy
Friday: Cold and sun–er, nope, that’s a streetlamp because it’s so dark outside; Rain
Saturday: Cold and rainy
Sunday: Rain

Monday: Cold, dark
Tuesday: Cold, dark
Wednesday: Cold, dark, rain
Thursday: Cold, dark, rain turning to snow
Friday: Cold, dark, and everything is covered in ice
Saturday: Icy, cold, dark, rain
Sunday: Slushy, cold, dark, rainy

The End of Summer

I really enjoyed my Labor Day weekend…a nice quiet before the storm of fall events and workshops start up again.

But I was disappointed over weather. One thing strange to me about living in the East is this change-of-seasons thing they’ve got going. Last year I had a little heart attack in September when I suddenly realized the pool was closed for the rest of the year!

It was then I discovered that my joyful days of perfecting my tan well into October were over.

The pool closed last year after Labor Day even though our temperatures were still in the 80s and it was still humid. We still would have used it! It would have been wonderful.

This year, I was ready. I made plans to use the pool one last time over Labor Day weekend to sneak in a little more color (unlike many Scandinavians, I don’t blister when you leave me out in the sun). The weekend was beautiful, until…

Labor Day, when it rained. And was cloudy. And gloomy. No pool for me.

So, goodbye, summer! Farewell, tanning by natural light! I will see you on Memorial Day.

Next: cordouroy! The only good thing about autumn.

Climatization and Other Mythologies of Change

When I was a teenager, I traveled to Eurpoe with a big tour group, bunch of other kids, some adults, etc. I was sort of “alone” on the trip, so I tried to be friendly with the other travelers. In the group were two guys my age from Texas, and I remember quizzing them constantly about what they were wearing.

In London, it was cold, wet, windy. Paris was much the same. In fact, I don’t think it was until Italy that we had “summer-like” weather by Wisconsin terms. But my Texan companions wore shorts and a t-shirt everywhere they went. They kept explaining they were “climatized” by Texas’s weather, but I thought that would mean they’d be cold everywhere. I didn’t get it. And, to be honest, I thought they were liars.

This is my first winter since 2000. I can’t say I was “eager” to have seasons because I like the obsessive consistency of daily sunshine and bearable temperatures. The only thing I ever liked about cold weather was dressing for it: wool! Flannel! Cordouroy! Rich and varied textures. (I feel the same way about linen in the summer.)

Now that winter has really set in here, I can tell you: I often think it’s not really that cold.

Sure, when the wind blows, it’s miserable. I hate it, and I freeze. But on a normal day when the temps are low and there’s no wind, I’m fine. I can actually still feel the humidity in the air, and it’s keeping me from getting cold.

Yesterday, Beau and I looked out the window and saw it snowing gently. It only lasted about five minutes, which is exactly the perfect amount of time for it to snow if it’s going to. And just like that, it was gone.

I sense there’s a metaphor there.