Category: the dc experience
-
How to Survive in DC: An AWP Guide
I’ve compiled the following tips for my writer-tourist friends arriving in DC this week. I hope they help! 1. EscalatorsSTAND on the right.WALK on the left.LAY DOWN UNDER THE FEET OF DCers if you violate this rule. 2. Visiting a StarbucksOur Starbucks are not like normal Starbucks. Please keep in mind the following guidelines. a.…
-
Cue the dueling banjos
Our GPS device is like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. First, you should know that she gives directions in a British accent. I’m totally serious. She sounds a little bit like Helen Mirren, if Helen Mirren were giving you driving directions while being AutoTuned. Her crisp diction and cold demeanor keep our driving focus…
-
Pop quiz
Which of the following situations should prompt one to relocate from his or her home, should they occur nearby? a. A hurricaneb. 55″ of snowfall c. A collision of two Metrorail trains on the Red Lined. A crazy person strapped with explosives, carrying a gun, holding a building hostagee. An 5.5 earthquakef. 2 grisly home…
-
Summer’s here and it’s pissed
It must be summer in Maryland, because it’s either raining, hailing, or sizzling outside. I just walked the dog and felt like my skin was simultaneously peeling away from my body and developing blisters. What does this mean? Well, it means this past week was DC Pride. It’s important that this festival occur at a…
-
The Four Seasons
Maryland style: SPRING:Monday: Cold and cloudyTuesday: Sunny and warmWednesday: RainThursday: RainFriday: Cloudy and humidSaturday: Cold and cloudySunday: Rain SUMMERMonday: Hot and superhumidTuesday: Hot and superhumidWednesday: RainThursday: Hot and superhumidFriday: Hot and superhumidSaturday: RainSunday: Rain AUTUMNMonday: RainTuesday: Cold and rainyWednesday: Cold and rainyThursday: Cold and rainyFriday: Cold and sun–er, nope, that’s a streetlamp because it’s so…
Charles Jensen | Writer 